Duck Walding, Man of Principals, Introduces Himself; Makes Demands
By: Duck Walding , January 16, 2013
Dear Cape Cod,
You know me. I’m the one who uses summer as a verb and is shocked to learn that you fish. I can be counted on to feign interest about your occupation and even ask you about what type of worms you use for bait before vomiting in the patch of flowers behind you outside the Landfall. Then the blonde girl I’m with will struggle to pull out her iPhone while slurring that she is so uploading this.
Now that we got that cheery reminiscing out of the way, I have a serious proposal that you must consider by 7:35 P.M. on next Wednesday. As you know, in one crucial aspect Cape Cod is especially shoddy and might as well call itself a third world backwater not worthy of my presence during the sacred ritual of summering. I’m speaking of course about the lack of seven-story parking garage and/or free taxi service in Cape Cod.
This must be changed. I’m willing to pay slightly more for entrees on Tuesdays to get this done. Or even on Wednesdays, if I can get my dad’s accountant off my balls and extend me some credit. That is how serious I am. I’ll write back soon, hopefully with joy about your acquiescence.