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Far Out: Everyone has a fantasy

By: Jeannette de Beauvoir, October 25, 2011

InsideOUT's Jeannette de Beauvoir shares her 'Far Out' perspective from the Outer Lands of Cape Cod.

- InsideOUT's Jeannette de Beauvoir shares her 'Far Out' perspective from the Outer Lands of Cape Cod.

So out here on the Outer Cape we’re starting to wind down a little. Sure, there are still large tour buses disgorging small elderly people, some of whom have absolutely no idea what they’re getting themselves into by visiting Provincetown; and the parking lots are still pretty much full, especially on fine autumn weekends.

But most of the tourists have moved on, and the shops are starting their year-end sales already.

This past week marked Fantasia Fair, a weeklong transgender event in P-Town that’s part conference and part social gathering. It’s an opportunity for attendees to spend a week “presenting their gender however they wish,” as the official materials would have it.

Begun in 1975, and the longest-running event of its kind, Fantasia Fair attracts a substantial number of straight men—many of them married and here with their wives—who are happiest dressing in women’s clothes.

I have to say that there’s something really touching about seeing people interact and just be in an open atmosphere where they will not get derisive stares—or worse.

I mentioned in an earlier column what Provincetown represented to me and my then-girlfriend in our twenties: it was the one place where people didn’t stare at us for holding hands. That’s changed; but I don’t think that it’s changed much for the folks who come here to attend Fantasia Fair.

Let’s face it: a man dressed like a woman still looks like a man dressed as a woman, and society at large still doesn’t quite get that.

I’ll admit that I don’t quite get it, either. In fact, I still have mixed feelings about the whole drag-queen scene.

As a feminist, I look at the high heels and makeup and wigs and over-emphasized breasts, and I wonder how these components of women’s attire—the very ones that have helped keep women subjugated—could be a cause for such attraction.

Try running away from an aggressor in high heels. Try teaching your daughter that she doesn’t need makeup to be beautiful. Try having a conversation with a man whose eyes are constantly on your chest. And then go to a drag show and admire the very things you feel are hurting your sisters … you see my conflict.

Even as I’m writing this, though, I’m wearing what might at one time have been considered drag: jeans, sloppy sweater, Land’s End shoes.

The difference, of course, is that women switched to men’s clothing for the comfort and freedom they allow. For the ability to run if threatened. For the possibility of being taken seriously and perceived as more than one’s physical attributes.

I’d love to live in a world where everything is accepted and acceptable. And where there aren’t consequences for how any of us dress.

It’s a complex issue. I still haven’t figured it out for myself. But I’d love to hear your thoughts!

What does cross-dressing mean to you? How does a community integrate different approaches/feelings/beliefs about something as obvious as this?

Comments

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  • e.m. szuplat

    Great piece! Jeannette, I 100% hear what you are saying. Years ago, when a friend felt comfortable enough to tell me that he enjoyed dressing as a women, and then, did, while I was visiting, I felt very glad that he was beginning to become open with about who he was and that I was one of those people he felt comfortable with. Growing up though, I struggled with the very constraints you mention. As a female, you learn quickly about stereotypes and inequality and what is expected about looking and being pretty. For many many years I felt most comfortable in jeans and no makeup and more often than not, still do. I have asked the very same questions you have about my male cross-dressing friend, who is also now married and has kids. While I feel we can all be empowered enough as women or men to choose what we wear and what it means to us, I still have a lot of confusion about why my friend, as a male would want to be in the style of attire that, having growing up as a female, represent a lot of stereotypes.

  • e.m. szuplat

    (forgive my typos, wow!)

  • CB

    A very good read. What is missing is the in-between. Other than the very flamboyant at one edge, the total cross dresser at another, there just isn't much of a model for men who want to wear clothes that are out there a bit, but still are acceptable for conservative workplaces. What seems to be acceptable for cross-dressing is over-emphasizing various attributes of women, with the clothes simply an accessory. Nice colorful clothes just for the clothes sake is missing. The one piece of mens attire that does fit into this category is the Aloha shirt. What mostly appeared on casual Friday's turned for me into everyday attire. At one company Aloha shirts with shorts and sandals was no problem. My next job was at a more conservative company, and I pushed the envelope. I had to buy non-aloha shirts to wear for a couple of weeks to fit in with the norm, but then started wearing my aloha shirts every day. I received several comments about how I brightened up the place and they liked me pushing the envelope allowing them to do the same. I like colorful fabrics and Aloha shirts are well accepted. I just don't know what other clothes are available that I would like. Besides, now that I have a lot of these shirts, I wear them almost all the time. And this doesn't even get into the feel, flow, and look of fabrics themselves and how there isn't an easy way for men to enjoy them directly. CB - probably rambling incoherently

  • Jeannette de Beauvoir

    Thanks for your comments ... I too feel uncomfortable telling people what they can and cannot wear ... yet I encounter a sort of visceral bump in the road in my own heart when this particular issue comes up. Next Thursday I'll be going with my stepdaughter to be fitted for her prom dress. Talk about conflicts/stereotypes! Yet this is the same girl who's taking a gap year after high school to volunteer with the Sea Shepherds, hardly a "girlie" thing to do ... Yikes. I think the more I try to unravel it all, the more tightly knotted it all becomes.